Everything in it's right place...

I've been having a lot of anxiety lately. I think its safe to assume that when you have anxiety, you usually know the source of it and although for me it's a little ridiculous I don't really think it matter in the big picture. The big picture is that I feel anxious and I don't like it.  

And then what happens when you get put into a situation you don't want to be in and you have no way out of it? There are times in my life when I think .. for once, just let this work out. But every time it doesn't. Every situation I step into in life always looks sunny from the beginning, its just details that I have come to hate. 

But tonight will tell a lot. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

So I ....

Last night was one of those nights that you just want everything to stop and slow down. I got my hair done, which in itself was nervewrecking enough as it was. One of what I like to call 'my quirks' is that I get extremely nervous when anyone touches my hair. Last night, Lauren was like 'take some chances, why not?' .. and I realized that the reason that I hate taking chances is because I have a pretty bad track record with the way these types of situations work out. The last time I tried putting a lot of blonde in my hair, it turned orange. Did I want to walk around looking like a ginger? No. I look horrible with orange hair. That's why when she said she was gonna put a lot more blonde than red I started biting my lip. 

I am glad that everything ended well though. If there's anything I've learned from last night, its that nothing is set in stone. And I'm making a record of this because it will help me remember the next time that I am too nervous to take a chance or do something somewhat outrageous. The only thing I really do regret is how when she finished, four hours later, we had about 20 things to do and all I wanted to do was go home and mess with my hair. Oh well.. like Chiodos said, all's well that ends well.

Today's The Big Day

So I started out this morning fully intent on going somewhere to register. Unfortunately, being as lazy as I am, I waited way too long and City Hall is now closed. It looks like I'll probably be able to register at the library though.. Julia is coming to pick me up and I guess we're both heading up there. 

I had a pretty rough day yesterday, both at work and when I got home.. and I ended up going out later that night. It got me thinking, when is too much going out really too much? A friend of mine recently got upset with me for being a little too crazy for my own good..but what kind of world do we really live in nowadays? I think one of our biggest problems is that so many kids just don't know what to do with their lives. 

I just sometimes wish that suburban/ohio life wasn't the way it is. A lack of anything to do means that after work and school you are either at the bar (for those lucky enough to be 21) or at a friends house sitting around drinking a beer (etc.). I don't even think that it gets better in other places, because there is a nightlife in Cleveland, I just wish it was more gorgeous here and there were more community events that were actually interesting. I think the ideal place for me would be a more Coventry-like area. Maybe I'll move out there if I ever get the money.

Voting is a Pain in the Ass

I was driving to work this morning and in my half-awake state when a McCain/Palin sign in someone's front yard caught my eye, which got me thinking.. What in the hell is going to happen to the United States?

It seems like every time there is a presidential election, the candidates before the primaries always don't seem too bad, but after the primaries it all goes downhill. I am not saying that I wanted to vote for Hillary, for the record, but I feel like going out to vote this year is as important as it is pointless. 

To be honest, I know that I am voting for Obama - but he is far from my ideal president. I don't think that I should be taxed more for government aid programs because right now, I don't use them. That is selfish and immoral, but its the truth, deep down I am not a democrat. I just hate George Bush and McCain because of their stupid bullshit values and this war that's going on right now -- politics are so corrupt nowadays. How are people suppose to have the motivation to go out and vote when neither president is good all-around? I just wish that for once, a well qualified and intelligent person would run. Barack will have to be close enough, I guess.

A Good Night's Sleep

For as long as I can remember, sleep was just something that I was forced to do. It seemed like something that always got in the way -- a necessary inconvenience that you just have to deal with as a human being so you can get on with what you need to do. When I started college, I became fascinated with dreams, especially after taking Psych of Personality.. Freud's theory of dreams really fascinated me. I don't know if I really buy into the latent sexual content of dreams, but I definitely think that there is latent content there. Sure, it can be true that dreams happen completely randomly, independent of the day's events and what has been occupying your mind recently. But I don't think so. 

Last night a friend of mine gave me a sleep aid that she uses, and seeing as how I haven't been sleeping well for months I was pretty eager to give it a try. It's not that I haven't been getting enough sleep, its just that I don't fall into a deep sleep very often. The funny thing is, I haven't had a good dream as far back as I can remember, and I use to have them all the time. I'm talking about the kind of dream where you don't want to wake up because the dream is so amazing. Well, I finally had one, and I wish I could go back to sleep. The dream was about this guy I use to spend all time with a year or so ago, who never seemed to see me as anything other than a friend. In my dream he felt the same way about me, and it was like.. our friendship was, only a million times better because the entire dream we were spending time together and boyfriend and girlfriend -- it was just like a regular day of my life playing out with him by my side. 

Maybe good dreams aren't even good dreams after all, since now all I want to do is go back to sleep. Who wants to know what it feels like to have something they can't for a split second?

The first of many.

I don't really know why I made this blog. At first it seemed like it was created out of boredom, to have something to do to waste some time... but then I thought about it the more I realized that it also serves as a way of making sure I can still spell. I've been out of college since May, and I'm starting to get worried that my writing skills are going..

So here's to practice!

I may as well also add the story that made me want to start writing about things that go on at work in general. I was surfing ebay when I stopped across the most interesting username.. pepe4kaka. COME ON PEOPLE! SERIOUSLY?