What's Done is Done.

One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that the past is the past, and you should never dwell on it.

Memories are like shoe boxes with photographs, sometimes we want to go up in the attic and sit around for hours looking at them. It's like playing with fire, it's dangerous, because what you feel when you look at them is an illusion.. the people you are looking at no longer feel the way they felt when the picture was taken, those things are gone from their head. So there's no point to it, and although you know all this when you start digging it conveniently slips your mind at one point or another -- its just important to snap back to reality when you're done.

I feel like I've been living in a dream for the last couple months. Its funny, when you start dating someone new and do it right away -- sometimes you feel like you're jumping in too fast too soon. Then, time passes.. and you slowly begin to really appreciate someone outside yourself in a way you never have before. It's funny and cliche, but falling in love feels really good.

Refresh.

I have been having one of those days where some soul searching is in order. There are so many times that I can remember where I have felt unsure about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do with my life. Today, the question that has been burning in the back of my head: how do you measure the quality of someone's life, when is it fair to say that one person leads a better life than another?

It may not make much sense, but I am not officially 21 years old. These types of questions come up because instead of living in my own apartment independently I still heavily rely on my parents for shelter food and cell phone bills. Most of the time I don't even think twice about this, because I am going to school and trying to fulfill what I think are my dreams. But then again once in a while I sit back and look at my life and think.. what if I had gone down another path?

I want to travel, see the world.. take pictures. I feel like I am too busy having fun to stop and smell the roses and really enjoy the little things in life that I wish I could do more often but just never get the chance.

The Wonders of Being in a Relationship.

So the wonders of being in a relationship have finally shown themselves to me. I kind of don't know where to begin, since there's already been so much missed and I don't want to take up too much of my time writing this. 

I guess if there has been one thing I have learned in the last  couple weeks, its that relationships aren't easy. When you finally find the person who wants to give as much as they take and is on an equal playing field with you, it's not all smooth sailing from there. I guess that it might be because I have never been in a situation where I've had to spend so much time with the same person all the time, but its made me come face to face with some of my inner demons.  For example, I have realized that for no reason whatsoever if I ever happen to be in a bad mood, I find it necessary to make other people miserable. Interesting, right?

Anyway, maybe if I was with anyone except for Bobby all of that would have led to the downfall of my first relationship. I'm lucky though, he's still with me. 

You'd Woken From A Dream

So quite a bit of time has passed since I started this blog and haven't posted a single thing. Bobby and I started dating. It's kind of ironic, because the last post I wrote was about him -- about how I liked him so much and I just got myself into a bad situation. But irony is great, I don't mind it now that this is where I am.

I heard the Margot and the Nuclear So Sos CD and fell in love with it. I can't stop listening to 'Broadripple is Burning'. Its so strange how usually I will listen to music that fits my mood, but the song almost pulls me in and makes me listen to it. 

Everything in it's right place...

I've been having a lot of anxiety lately. I think its safe to assume that when you have anxiety, you usually know the source of it and although for me it's a little ridiculous I don't really think it matter in the big picture. The big picture is that I feel anxious and I don't like it.  

And then what happens when you get put into a situation you don't want to be in and you have no way out of it? There are times in my life when I think .. for once, just let this work out. But every time it doesn't. Every situation I step into in life always looks sunny from the beginning, its just details that I have come to hate. 

But tonight will tell a lot. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

So I ....

Last night was one of those nights that you just want everything to stop and slow down. I got my hair done, which in itself was nervewrecking enough as it was. One of what I like to call 'my quirks' is that I get extremely nervous when anyone touches my hair. Last night, Lauren was like 'take some chances, why not?' .. and I realized that the reason that I hate taking chances is because I have a pretty bad track record with the way these types of situations work out. The last time I tried putting a lot of blonde in my hair, it turned orange. Did I want to walk around looking like a ginger? No. I look horrible with orange hair. That's why when she said she was gonna put a lot more blonde than red I started biting my lip. 

I am glad that everything ended well though. If there's anything I've learned from last night, its that nothing is set in stone. And I'm making a record of this because it will help me remember the next time that I am too nervous to take a chance or do something somewhat outrageous. The only thing I really do regret is how when she finished, four hours later, we had about 20 things to do and all I wanted to do was go home and mess with my hair. Oh well.. like Chiodos said, all's well that ends well.

Today's The Big Day

So I started out this morning fully intent on going somewhere to register. Unfortunately, being as lazy as I am, I waited way too long and City Hall is now closed. It looks like I'll probably be able to register at the library though.. Julia is coming to pick me up and I guess we're both heading up there. 

I had a pretty rough day yesterday, both at work and when I got home.. and I ended up going out later that night. It got me thinking, when is too much going out really too much? A friend of mine recently got upset with me for being a little too crazy for my own good..but what kind of world do we really live in nowadays? I think one of our biggest problems is that so many kids just don't know what to do with their lives. 

I just sometimes wish that suburban/ohio life wasn't the way it is. A lack of anything to do means that after work and school you are either at the bar (for those lucky enough to be 21) or at a friends house sitting around drinking a beer (etc.). I don't even think that it gets better in other places, because there is a nightlife in Cleveland, I just wish it was more gorgeous here and there were more community events that were actually interesting. I think the ideal place for me would be a more Coventry-like area. Maybe I'll move out there if I ever get the money.